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Love life in the face of illness: how to cope?
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Naomi1983
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Naomi1983
Last activity on 12/05/2021 at 20:11
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I had my relationship end after 5 year's and a son together we was getting married but after the birth of my son i became ill and it got harder and harder to keep him happy until he eventually left me it's been so difficult by myself and i know there's no way i will meet anyone else so i will probably be by myself for the rest of my life which is really rubbish
JosephineO
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JosephineO
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@Tigger.co.uk @Naomi1983 Thank you all for sharing. A member recently posted about this topic, do you have any advice for her?
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Josephine, Community Manager
Tigger.co.uk
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Tigger.co.uk
Last activity on 21/11/2024 at 23:00
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Please never think that you will be on your own because I met my husband I have had three bad marriages, but now I have married again and he is my world I had three kids but mine are all grown up now but my husband now loves them all and my grandchildren and great grandson to ,so dont give up there is always some out there that is better than now hope this gives you some confidence lots of love xxx
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Jmann111
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Jmann111
Last activity on 13/11/2024 at 17:18
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My sex life has suffered because of diabetics type 2, it has really upset me because I had a great sex life now it's only to pee out of lol it's very difficult to get my head around it which make matters worse, I have tried viagra but it rarely works
Maggie-mae
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Maggie-mae
Last activity on 27/07/2020 at 20:11
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We have been married 7yrs in November, Paul is my third husband and to me the most wonderful man on this earth .. He has never seen me well, 3yrs into our marriage I had a severe stroke, Paul wasn't used to illness in any way, he knew I was an asthmatic and had OA but this was different words like' dying ' were being used... He took it in his stride I gave him the option to walk away but he stayed he reminded me of our vows.. Our sex life is practically nil but our love life is 100% and more
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Sonia... Maggie-mae 😊
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@Maggie-mae you are one lucky lady hats off to your lovely paul xx
Tigger.co.uk
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That is beautiful Maggie just like mine he sounds a lovely guy I hope you spend the rest of your life happy lots of love and hugs from Tiger xx
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Liam2863
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Liam2863
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My "Spouse" and I have been together for 20 years (11 years ago we had a Civil Partnership Ceremony). My Medical Conditions: I have Psoriasis, Type 2 Diabetes (On Insulin/Tablets), Nash, suspected Primary Hypogonadism, Aneamia, Hypertension, Just to name a few - He is always there for me and vice versa, he also suffers with medical conditions too.
My point is that if you love someone it does not have to be based on sexual intimacy. A cuddle and/or the words "I love you" mean more than anything to me.
JamesP
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JamesP
Last activity on 27/01/2020 at 09:37
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Liam2863 I agree with you, love and sex are not the same things. You can have one without the other. Rape is an extreme example.
However, sex is an inbuilt instinct of all animal life including humans. Without it, life would become extinct. Many neurological conditions give rise to a heightened sexual urge because of a malfunction in the brain. Not to be taken too literally, I give you an analogy, If, say, a neurological condition resulted in a feeling of hunger, the person will feel the need to eat although they may already have had sufficient. How you satisfy that perceived need is the problem. Something to eat will satisfy that need, love or sex does not come directly into the equation. But love may prompt sympathy for the victim in order to deal with that need.
So far as a male is concerned, ejaculation eminently satisfies a sexual need. Sexual intercourse is undoubtedly the preferred method. Masturbation with a partner's cuddles, participation and encouragement is another possibility and there are others involving mechanical devices. I would suggest that to leave the victim without the release that ejaculation brings could be said to be the cause of their resentment. Remember, the root cause is their neurological condition and it's not their fault. Love should recognise this and make allowances, please.
lesmal
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lesmal
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Love and sex are 2 totally separate issues.
One can love someone but need not have the sex drive to keep the relationship going! Many people are bed-bound so their sex life is nil, but they can still have a caring and compassionate partner that loves them for who they are, not for what they can give them, i.e. sex!
My first marriage lasted only 4 years but I practically never saw my ex-husband due to him doing night shift. Our sex life obviously dwindled, together with his not accepting my epilepsy. I remarried and have now been with my 2nd husband for just over 31 years. He is a caring husband who accepts my epilepsy, cooks for me due to accidents I've had in the kitchen due to seizures, makes sure I visit the doctors when needed, ensures I safely catch bus transport and is always there!
Due to constant health conditions, i.e. epilepsy, osteoporosis, brain surgery and many more, together with the pain and falls from seizures that these involve, my sex drive again dwindled.
My husband is a great partner and we work as a team. This is so much more important to me; we have a good lovable relationship which is what counts!
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JosephineO
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JosephineO
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Today is Valentine's Day! This emblematic day, sometimes criticized for its commercial and marketing impact, undoubtedly evokes love. We organised a poll* to allow you to express your views on this subject. Does being chronically ill affect romantic life? Does caring for a patient also have an impact? Here are your answers.
Maintaining an intimate and sexual life: a challenge for 31.2% of respondents
The question "as a patient or family member, what impact does the disease have on your love life", a majority of participants answered that their intimate and sexual life is difficult. There are many reasons for this: decreased libido due to fatigue, erectile dysfunction, localised pain... Having a chronic disease can severely disrupt intimate relationships with your partner. As for patients' relatives, they too may experience psychological or even physical exhaustion.
>> Join our discussion group on Men's Health
For patients who have not found a soulmate, the disease can also hinder the meeting someone. Our large isolation survey revealed that 57% of patients had reduced their outings and social activities. Opportunities to meet new people are therefore more limited. In addition, 88% of patients reported an impact of isolation on their intimate life and 98% on their social life.
Relationships with partners are more difficult for 21.5% of respondents
For 21.5% of patients and relatives of patients who responded to the survey, relationships with their partners became more complicated due to the disease. Patients may suffer from their spouse's misunderstanding or no longer have enough energy to devote time and attention to them.
Only 9.3% of the participants were lucky enough to see their relationship strengthened by the ordeal of the disease. Many couples separate after being diagnosed with a disease; moreover, a recent study showed that a woman is six times more likely to experience a separation after being diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis than a man in the same situation.
Remaining alone, the solution for 18.3% of respondents
"I want to be alone partly because of the disease" is the answer given by 18.3% of respondents to our survey. Scars, weight gain or loss, or medical equipment can lead to a poor self-image. Difficulties in maintaining a normal couple's life or fear of rejection of the other can discourage people to attempt to date.
>> Join our group on pain treatment and find solutions
What can I do to find a fulfilling love life?
Health professionals recommend that ,first and foremost, these issues should be discussed with your partner. Communication is the tool that will allow you, in many cases, to make things happen. Everyone, at their own pace, without forcing themselves, will be able to relearn how to have a dialogue with their partner.
If you have not found a soul mate, remember that you are not defined solely by your illness. You keep the qualities you had before you became ill or cared for a sick relative. Sexuality can take many forms, whether your illness is disabling or not.
Symptoms of disease that impact on intimate life should also be treated as soon as possible. Neurological, cardiovascular, physical or psychological symptoms can affect sexuality, as can the side effects of a drug. Talk to your doctor to reduce fatigue, pain and improve your morale. You can also consult a specialist:
- A psychologist can help you overcome your problems and accept your illness or that of your loved one
- A sexologist will advise you on all aspects of sexuality, both physical and emotional
- A gynaecologist treats the disorders of the female genital system to help them limit pain or various discomforts
- A urologist is responsible for the male urogenital system and can advise you on erectile disorders or other pains.
And you, is your love life put in difficulty from a disease? Talking about it is already moving towards a loving and sexual intimacy, whatever it may be, that will open you up. Have you treated any specific symptoms?